Not much to say......

Well here I am back again....I don't have much to say this time but I figured I would write something down to try and get into the swing of blogging.....I really want to write in this more often but really I am just to lazy or I forget.....mostly forget.

Well the holiday season is upon us and after the gift giving it will be time to once again make those damn New Year's resolutions that we all fail at. Usually I don't bother making them because in all honesty is is just another day but this year I am going to. In the year 2010 I am going to try and teach myself to play the quitar with the goal being to be able to play one complete popular song from either 2009 or 2010 by the end of the year.......wish me luck.

Anyway, that is it for now, I would say thanks for reading but I know noone actually read this.....

I want to be patient, I really do....

Very recently I was told by an old friend from high school that she wanted me to meet one of her friends since we were both single and thought we would be a good match. To avoid the uncomfortable situation of a blind date and or chance encounter orchestrated by our mutual friend I took the first step and contacted the girl via facebook....cheesy I know, but is that not what facebook is for, to network? Anyway, although I was nervous about that approach it seemed to work out well, I received a reply relatively quickly and it was pleasant...not the "piss off stalker" reply I was afraid of. Anyway since that facebook message leap of faith it has been about 2 weeks and things have been going well but unfortunately only through the use of technology. Due to the fact that we are both extremely busy people, (her more so than me at the moment) we are finding it very hard to find time to actually meet in person.....but to be quite honest after a few telephone conversations and 100's of text messages I do still feel like it is going well. The problem is, I really want to meet this girl and I firmly believe that she also wants to meet me but due to our busy lives and this being the busiest time of year for her profession I don't see it happening any time soon. Realistically we may have to wait another month and a half to actually meet. I believe we are both intrigued by the other but I fear that trying to get to know someone or dare I say start a relationship via text messages is trying to say the least. I want to be patient, I really do and I believe I am doing a pretty good job so far but what if I remain patient and then she decides that she is not willing to be patient? Or what if a text message is interpreted wrong due to the lack of voice tone or inability to see facial expression or body language? To be truthful there are a few discouraging things....I have offered numerous ways for us to meet but none seem to fit in her schedule, although she say and I believe her that she is not avoiding me or being conveniently unavailable there is still that part in the back of my mind that wonders. Secondly is the apparent lack of effort or maybe a better word is interest in simply meeting for a quick coffee or drink. We both understand that each other is busy but I know I am more than willing to find 30 minutes or an hour to meet her even if that means sacrifice some sleep time as I am doing right now.....again there is a part in the back of my mind that wonders why her effort or interest isn't equal to mine. I am not in anyway desperate to find a relationship, in fact I wasn't even actively looking before our mutual friend mentioned us to one another so I don't believe I am getting over anxious by any means, but again to be truthful I do worry that I may sometimes come across to forward and this may be part of the problem.

Anyway, I hope something comes up or maybe better yet gets cancelled in the very near future so I can actually meet this girl that has wholeheartedly peaked my interest. We'll have to just wait and see but until then I will just remind myself..

I WANT TO BE PATIENT, I REALLY DO...

Was found but now I am lost....

My life used to be in such order, I new where I was going and I knew where home was and who I was going home to. Now I am not sure where my life is headed and everyday I am know I am going home to be alone....I used to have a master plan but now I feel I am simply a peasant to follow someone else's master plan. Life is hard and as we all know it is full of ups and downs, lately I have had more downs, but I am strong and confident enough to know that the ups are coming. I am sure we have all felt this way at one time or another but at the current time I feel like I am just spinning my wheels and hoping to gain some traction so I can begin to progress, I know it is coming though. Hopefully within the next year I will make a career advancement and possibly start a supplimental career teaching at my local college.

Back to my personal life though, I always beleived marriage was forever....but I got proved wrong. But I am lucky with the way my marriage came to an end because there was no drama, no traumatic experience that caused and massive uproar....the relationship just came to an end and we both realized it and therefore the split was amicable with no drama. That fact I am grateful for but it still leaves me at a crossroads.....where do I go from here?

Curtain Call.....

What would you do if today you woke knowing that it was going to be your last day to be alive? Would you sit on the end of your bed shedding tears? Or would you take your final day to celebrate the life you have lived instead of worrying about it coming to an end?

Myself, I would take the time to celebrate and hopefully have the opportunity to tell some people, who may be unaware, exactly what type of influence they had/have on my life.

There are 3 girls from my past that I have known for 17, 20, and 22 years respectively that I would want to see one last time. The girl I knew 17 years ago I simply want to sit down and talk to; I want to explain and hear her explanation. But mostly I just want to give her a hug and let her know that I have never forgotten nor will I ever. The girl from 20 years ago......I just want that one kiss that should have happened a long time ago....and to reminisce about all the good times we had. And last but so so far from least is the girl I have known for 22 years.....she has been my crush, my shoulder, and my best friend and I like to think I have been all of those to her as well. On my final day I would want to see her to make sure she knows how much I appreciate our friendship even though we are now separated by a large distance. As we parted ways on this final day I would give her a loving hug and kiss.....not a kiss of passion but of admiration for who she was, who she is, and who she will become.

My friends......there are a handful of guys that I consider to be good fiends, we have all shared some good times, crazy times and even some unfortunate sad times that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (if I had any). On my last day I would simply like to do what we have all done a million times in the past and that is to pull up a barstool and have a drink. Drinking with the guys has always been a favorite past time of mine and would love the chance to do it one last time....

Last but not least I would spend time with my family. I think all of us can say that we have never really expressed to our parents exactly what they mean to us. During my final day I would be sure to let my parents know just how much of an influence they had on my life and let them know I appreciate all they have done for me. I would spend time with my brother and his children to ensure they always remember me. But the most important part of my final day would be the time I spend with my son....for the past 5 years he has been my life, my best friend, my everything. We would go for a hike in Woodend as we have so many times before and on the way home we would stop off at McDonald's for a Happy Meal.....Chicken Nuggets, Apple Slices and Fruitopia. After the meal we would head home and spend the rest of the day and evening wrestling, playing soccer and board games.....maybe even help him with his Harry Potter PS2 game.....but my final act on my final day would be to simply crawl into bed with my son...my best friend and hold him in my arms as we both fall asleep, there is no where I would rather be during these my final moments....

If anyone ever reads this I hope you enjoyed my creative writing, but please realize this is nothing more than creative writing. Occasionally thinking about your own mortality is actually quite a liberating experience and an eye opener into your own soul. Feel free to try this exercise someday.......I look forward to furthering this blog and I hope you enjoy reading this entry as well as the many more to come..Cheers